DOMESTIC ABUSE
“A MAN IN THE MIRROR
Contributor: James Nichols II.
Looking at the subject of domestic violence or abuse, the mind immediately goes to the woman’s point of view as the victim where the male is depicted as the perpetrator. Social norms give the men societal cues that say he cannot show fear of any kind. Based on this reality, many men DO NOT report such abuse of violence. “Be the strong, silent type…hold it all inside…don’t let them see you sweat.” Many of those traits can be admirable, we don’t always want to see or hear about every little thing that goes on in a person’s life. When it comes to abuse, being silent doesn’t help the issue; it only makes it worse and tougher to stop this destructive pattern.
Male domestic abuse is rare, but not as rare as some people might think or believe. While the number of battered woman is over a million cases a year, there are still a large number of men suffering from abuse themselves. Recent studies have found that as many as 800,000 men are the victim of domestic abuse every year in the United States alone. This number has been on the rise for the last decade as more men stepped forward and were willing to admit their abuse. The number is much smaller than women who were abused, but still a significant amount. This includes both straight and gay men.
The problem with male domestic abuse is that there’s still a stigma surrounding the issue. People tend to believe that men can control themselves in the situation and that the only men who are abused are the ones who aren’t willing to stand up for themselves. There’s a belief that if a man were a real man, he could stop the abuse. Unfortunately this isn’t necessarily the case. However it does make it difficult for some men to step forward and admit that they’ve been abused.
Being a survivor of domestic abuse, I have lived through these same stages of bliss/honeymoon, ridicule/put downs, arguments, break up and make up. It is a vicious cycle that was perpetuated by my lack of self esteem and belief in me. I didn’t feel as though I could get another companion other than the one I had. When you look back on your life situation, you wonder what was driving you. Why couldn’t I see my worth? What made me stay, even when the time we were apart made me fell so much better? How can I walk away from this relationship for good?
Many of those questions swam around my head and heart, searching for the right answers. While dealing with the stigma mentioned above that men are labeled as “punks” in some circles when admitting being an abuse victim. Being a victim doesn’t make you weak, it only makes you human. A human with feelings, a man with worth, a man EmPOWERed by God to change the world. That change begins with the man in the mirror.
Looking at the subject of domestic violence or abuse, the mind immediately goes to the woman’s point of view as the victim where the male is depicted as the perpetrator. Social norms give the men societal cues that say he cannot show fear of any kind. Based on this reality, many men DO NOT report such abuse of violence. “Be the strong, silent type…hold it all inside…don’t let them see you sweat.” Many of those traits can be admirable, we don’t always want to see or hear about every little thing that goes on in a person’s life. When it comes to abuse, being silent doesn’t help the issue; it only makes it worse and tougher to stop this destructive pattern.
Male domestic abuse is rare, but not as rare as some people might think or believe. While the number of battered woman is over a million cases a year, there are still a large number of men suffering from abuse themselves. Recent studies have found that as many as 800,000 men are the victim of domestic abuse every year in the United States alone. This number has been on the rise for the last decade as more men stepped forward and were willing to admit their abuse. The number is much smaller than women who were abused, but still a significant amount. This includes both straight and gay men.
The problem with male domestic abuse is that there’s still a stigma surrounding the issue. People tend to believe that men can control themselves in the situation and that the only men who are abused are the ones who aren’t willing to stand up for themselves. There’s a belief that if a man were a real man, he could stop the abuse. Unfortunately this isn’t necessarily the case. However it does make it difficult for some men to step forward and admit that they’ve been abused.
Being a survivor of domestic abuse, I have lived through these same stages of bliss/honeymoon, ridicule/put downs, arguments, break up and make up. It is a vicious cycle that was perpetuated by my lack of self esteem and belief in me. I didn’t feel as though I could get another companion other than the one I had. When you look back on your life situation, you wonder what was driving you. Why couldn’t I see my worth? What made me stay, even when the time we were apart made me fell so much better? How can I walk away from this relationship for good?
Many of those questions swam around my head and heart, searching for the right answers. While dealing with the stigma mentioned above that men are labeled as “punks” in some circles when admitting being an abuse victim. Being a victim doesn’t make you weak, it only makes you human. A human with feelings, a man with worth, a man EmPOWERed by God to change the world. That change begins with the man in the mirror.
WriterAntwan Galloway
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THERE IS PURPOSE IN YOUR PAIN!!!
As men, we have the ability to persevere when faced with great opposition in our lives. The true measure of a man is NOT determined by how much he has (materialistically speaking), but how he reacts in time of great adversity. One of our greatest hindrances to achieving success is our way of thinking. If you can conquer your mind, you can conquer the world. We have the gift of FREE WILL and with it we can chose to think positively or negatively. Keeping a positive mindset is a vital component to achieving success. The choice is ultimately yours!
At one point in my life I believed that it was impossible for me to become successful at anything because of where I came from. My father was addicted to drugs and abused my mother most of my childhood. The lack of my father’s presence in my life rendered me void. I felt as though I had no identity. I dropped out of school as a teenager and looked to the streets for acceptance. After years of blaming the world for my problems, I decided to wake up and take control of my life. It was time I quit complaining about the things I didn’t have (a father, money, a stable home, etc.) and focus on the things I did have (life, health, strength, etc).
Today I speak to the fatherless, broken, and hopeless. You may feel that your past or current circumstance is overwhelming. Just know that there is life beyond your present situation. There are people that are depending on you to achieve success. You are destined to reach a child, brother, father, uncle, or friend that feels the exact same way you may be feeling right now. Your success is not just for you. As men, we are natural protectors and providers. This is the way we were created. If you know how it feels to be fatherless, become a father to someone else. If you know how it feels to be hopeless, become the hope in someone else’s life. In doing these things, you will heal yourself. Your willingness to push past your own problems in effort to save someone else will be greatly rewarded. People will believe, trust, love, and receive from those that understand them. That’s why your success is so vital today. Everything you need is inside of you. You may not come from a perfect home, you may not have great wealth, and you may not have a father. Those things make life a lot easier but not perfect. All you need to succeed and excel in life is the will to do better. Shifting your will affects your way of thinking and changing your way of thinking WILL change your life. Be encourage, empowered, and EXPECT the great in your life!
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Albert Einstein
Patience is a Virtue
PATIENCE . . . I remember driving “fifty-five to stay alive.” I remember the quickest way to warm up food was to pre-heat the oven. I remember letting the TV warm up first. I remember drive-ins . . . and watching all three movies. And the 8 track!
Are we in that much of a hurry that we’ve forgotten that patience is a virtue? Not only is it a virtue, but it is a gift from God; He calls it long-suffering (Gal. 5:22). If you study the story of Jacob and Rachel you will find the ultimate prescription for patience. While working on his uncle Laban’s farm Jacob fell in love with his cousin Rachel. Jacob agreed to work for Laban seven years before marrying Rachel. At the end of the seven years, when it was time for Jacob to marry the love of his life, Laban tricked him into marrying the oldest daughter instead of Rachel. Jacob had to work another seven years in order to marry Rachel. But if you were to ask Jacob how he felt about waiting all that time he would tell you it only felt like a few days (Gen. 29:20).
What was it that satisfied Jacob’s patience for fourteen years? At first I thought it was his love for Rachel . . . but think about it. If you were separated from someone you loved, does the fact that you love them help the situation? No. The fact that you love them does nothing for your patience when they’re absent. Truthfully, it probably makes things worse.
The prescription for patience is relationship. Having a healthy relationship with someone or something helps us to develop our patience. Consider this. While Jacob’s patience was being tested Jacob had time to establish relationships with (1) his environment, (2) Rachel, and (3) her father.
Getting to know his environment would obviously occupy his time. If you find yourself having to exercise patience take some time to get to know your surroundings: church activities, philanthropic organizations, find a new hobby, get rid of the ten pounds you put on during the holidays, etc.
Jacob had time to get to know Rachel, the object of his affection. While you’re being patient, take time to get to know the person or thing you love. If you’re anxious about your wedding day, make use of your time by getting to know your fiancée on a deeper level. If you’re waiting for something to open up in your career of choice, spend time getting to know all about your dream job.
Lastly, Jacob’s patience was entertained by getting to know Laban, the father of the object of his affection. God, our Father, is the Creator of all. While you’re being patient, I challenge you to work on your relationship with Him. While you’re waiting on God, get to know God. You just might get an understanding of why it took so long in the first place.
Are we in that much of a hurry that we’ve forgotten that patience is a virtue? Not only is it a virtue, but it is a gift from God; He calls it long-suffering (Gal. 5:22). If you study the story of Jacob and Rachel you will find the ultimate prescription for patience. While working on his uncle Laban’s farm Jacob fell in love with his cousin Rachel. Jacob agreed to work for Laban seven years before marrying Rachel. At the end of the seven years, when it was time for Jacob to marry the love of his life, Laban tricked him into marrying the oldest daughter instead of Rachel. Jacob had to work another seven years in order to marry Rachel. But if you were to ask Jacob how he felt about waiting all that time he would tell you it only felt like a few days (Gen. 29:20).
What was it that satisfied Jacob’s patience for fourteen years? At first I thought it was his love for Rachel . . . but think about it. If you were separated from someone you loved, does the fact that you love them help the situation? No. The fact that you love them does nothing for your patience when they’re absent. Truthfully, it probably makes things worse.
The prescription for patience is relationship. Having a healthy relationship with someone or something helps us to develop our patience. Consider this. While Jacob’s patience was being tested Jacob had time to establish relationships with (1) his environment, (2) Rachel, and (3) her father.
Getting to know his environment would obviously occupy his time. If you find yourself having to exercise patience take some time to get to know your surroundings: church activities, philanthropic organizations, find a new hobby, get rid of the ten pounds you put on during the holidays, etc.
Jacob had time to get to know Rachel, the object of his affection. While you’re being patient, take time to get to know the person or thing you love. If you’re anxious about your wedding day, make use of your time by getting to know your fiancée on a deeper level. If you’re waiting for something to open up in your career of choice, spend time getting to know all about your dream job.
Lastly, Jacob’s patience was entertained by getting to know Laban, the father of the object of his affection. God, our Father, is the Creator of all. While you’re being patient, I challenge you to work on your relationship with Him. While you’re waiting on God, get to know God. You just might get an understanding of why it took so long in the first place.
Recipe for a Man
And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul (Genesis 2:7).
According to the above scripture the “recipe” for a man is dust of the ground, add the breath of life. Manipulating the “recipe,” take the man and remove the breath of life, all that is left is the dust, or the physical. The physical body is the “ingredient” that decays and dies. “Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.” However, without a body man lacks the capacity for interaction; to love and be loved. Why, without a physical body there would have been no sacrifice for the Father to offer as an atonement for our sins! There would be no resurrection! Again, manipulating the “recipe,” take the man and remove the dust, all that is left is the breath of life, or man’s spirit. The breath of life is the only ingredient that contains life. The spirit of the man is what allows us to communicate with the Father. God is a Spirit: and they that worship Him must worship Him in spirit and truth (John 4:24). Both “ingredients” are important and necessary, but few would disagree that the spirit of the man is the most important. In the Father’s eyes, the spirit is all that really matters. Consider . . .Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord . . . We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:6,8). According to scripture, where ever our spirit is, that is where we are counted present. That is why a wife can declare to her estranged husband, “You’re home, but you’re not home.” That is why we can be in church but not in church. The body is physically present, but the spirit is unaccounted for.
Understanding the importance of the spirit over the physical, it is frustrating to see how we invest so much time, energy, money, and praise on things that gratify the flesh. And why? To create ourselves; an image really. But there is only one way to create a man; take a handful of dirt and breathe into it. Go ahead. Try it. What do you get? A mess. But that’s exactly where some of us were when the Father found us – in a mess. We tried to create ourselves with titles, degrees, possessions, relationships, etc. Only the Father can create a man the way he’s supposed to be made. So let’s get out of the “kitchen” and allow the Father do what only He can do. Know that the finished work won’t be glorified by the physical.
We will be “created in His image and after His likeness,” and we know that “God is Spirit.” MEN HAVE YOU MANNED UP?!
According to the above scripture the “recipe” for a man is dust of the ground, add the breath of life. Manipulating the “recipe,” take the man and remove the breath of life, all that is left is the dust, or the physical. The physical body is the “ingredient” that decays and dies. “Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.” However, without a body man lacks the capacity for interaction; to love and be loved. Why, without a physical body there would have been no sacrifice for the Father to offer as an atonement for our sins! There would be no resurrection! Again, manipulating the “recipe,” take the man and remove the dust, all that is left is the breath of life, or man’s spirit. The breath of life is the only ingredient that contains life. The spirit of the man is what allows us to communicate with the Father. God is a Spirit: and they that worship Him must worship Him in spirit and truth (John 4:24). Both “ingredients” are important and necessary, but few would disagree that the spirit of the man is the most important. In the Father’s eyes, the spirit is all that really matters. Consider . . .Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord . . . We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:6,8). According to scripture, where ever our spirit is, that is where we are counted present. That is why a wife can declare to her estranged husband, “You’re home, but you’re not home.” That is why we can be in church but not in church. The body is physically present, but the spirit is unaccounted for.
Understanding the importance of the spirit over the physical, it is frustrating to see how we invest so much time, energy, money, and praise on things that gratify the flesh. And why? To create ourselves; an image really. But there is only one way to create a man; take a handful of dirt and breathe into it. Go ahead. Try it. What do you get? A mess. But that’s exactly where some of us were when the Father found us – in a mess. We tried to create ourselves with titles, degrees, possessions, relationships, etc. Only the Father can create a man the way he’s supposed to be made. So let’s get out of the “kitchen” and allow the Father do what only He can do. Know that the finished work won’t be glorified by the physical.
We will be “created in His image and after His likeness,” and we know that “God is Spirit.” MEN HAVE YOU MANNED UP?!
INFORM / ENLIGHTEN / INSPIRE